Single Dad visiting for 1st time

Hi, there, I feel your pain! My 10 year old daughter has Aspergers and ADHD, my 15 year old son wonders why our life has to revolve around his sister, and I have been through a nasty divorce with both of my kids coming home with horrible messages for me (from their father and step-mother). We have been divorced 6 years and you would think after all this time, he would deal with it appropriately! After all, he has remarried and I'm the one left with all the tasks of single parenting. It is not easy, that's for sure.

My daughter has extreme anxiety and some obsessive features as well. She used to pull her hair out and chew holes in her shirts just to have something to chew on. She soothes herself with oral stimulation, so we substituted these behaviors with gum and she has done very well. She also went to counseling which helped, in addition to the medication. She still chews on and picks at her fingertips, but not to the point of bleeding. She says they itch...almost like a sensory issue but with an obsessive component. I've given up trying to impact this problem because she has not responded to any type of treatment and she is not actually bleeding, so there does not seem to be any harm at this point.

I think I struggle with giving my son enough of my time and attention so he feels like he's important too. My daughter needs so much from me, and he's older and more independent so he probably is slighted.

Make sure you are involved in autism support groups because they can provide you and both your children with services/supports. They are in your shoes and can brainstorm for ideas based on what they've tried or what has failed. Respite or frequent breaks are necessary. That gives you the time to rejuvenate and stay positive. Rely on your friends and family for help, or church family. I'm very isolated and wish I had this component, but if you can get help with running an errand or having someone pick up that gallon of milk when you realize you have none, it will save you some energy and time.

What has helped me the most is to remember that God will not give you more than you can handle. Have faith in His plan and know you are right where He wants you to be. My Great Aunt told me that God picks the perfect parents for his "special" babies, and I do believe that to be true.

Best of wishes to you, my heart goes out to you and all single parents who have kids with special needs!

Hi Shaun! I know what you are going thru...and it can be tough. I've been widowed for 2.5 years. I have 3 great kids, with absolutely no supports whatsoever...and yes! it can be so excruciatingly hard sometimes. My middle child (7 y.o.) has Sensory Integration Disorder, OCD, ADD/ADHD and Clinical Depression. She too, does painful damage to herself. Such as pulling all 10 of her toenails out because "they just didn't feel "right" on her toes"...she just didn't like the way they felt. She has also pulled out a few fingernails for the same reason. I will say, with the wonderful help of a Psychiatrist and a strict medication regemine, she has shown some improvement. But, children like ours are a constant handful, a constant worry and so time consuming that our other kids do sometimes feel slighted. I suggest a serious "heart to heart" with the other kids...explaining exactly what needs your daughter has, and perhaps talking with them to brainstorm ways that they can help. A lot of times, kids like to help and it seems to empower them. I wish you the best of luck. I'm sure you can do this!