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Several months ago I started a thread about why "good luck with your search" should not be among the re-opening request phrases.

Now as I've been getting it more and more lately, I question even more why eH has it there. It is too ambiguous. For myself, sometimes it has meant that the match wanted to be re-opened - and a number of times I did - sometimes I guess it's just someone being polite - although why someone would go to that trouble after being rejected by a stranger is beyond me.

I'm not talking about getting false hope, I'm talking about the waste of time in considering to and then re-opening a match when that match didn't want to be re-opened after all.

Just today I got that message from a match whom I had closed several days ago. I did re-open her and started FastTrack as she preferred. She emailed me back, saying she did not want to be re-opened. I closed her again.

Later she sent me once more "Good luck with your search."

And if you want to hear about matches who never responded or closed me after re-opening because of that phrase.....
- November 1st, 2009, 03:05 pm
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I am confused. I never thought of this one as a request to re-open. I usually send it when someone who is obviously incompatible closes me, as way to say "yes, I agree." Or when someone closes with "based on statements in the profile, I'm not interested" as a way to say "oh yeah? same to you, hon." Just a way to confirm that the match is really closed out.
- November 1st, 2009, 03:13 pm
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melman wrote :
I am confused. I never thought of this one as a request to re-open. I usually send it when someone who is obviously incompatible closes me, as way to say "yes, I agree." Or when someone closes with "based on statements in the profile, I'm not interested" as a way to say "oh yeah? same to you, hon." Just a way to confirm that the match is really closed out.
But it is among the re-opening request phrases.

I see what you're done, but why bother? Just close it AND avoid any ambiguity.

And as I've said, a number of times a match of mine DID want to be re-opened.
Last edited by pussinboots; November 1st, 2009 at 03:33 pm.
- November 1st, 2009, 03:23 pm
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Maybe you're thinking about this in the wrong way. When someone closes you, the ball is back in your court. The site says "If you would like to reply to xxx now, click on Send Final Message."When you send a final message, then the match who closed can re-open. Otherwise, he/she can't.
Of the 5 Final Message choices, I can see where 4 can be interpreted as a request to re-open:
  • I have now posted my photo and when it is approved it should be available to you.
  • I have completed all my Match Profile questions.
  • I really felt that we had potential. I'd like you to reconsider.
  • I think if we met, you might have different feelings about who I am.

But "Good luck with your search." clearly is not. Why would you assume anyone sending that message, would want you to re-open?

- November 1st, 2009, 03:34 pm
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I've noticed that I can't "officially" close a match that has closed me without sending a response. It will just sit in my communicating folder without sending a closed message. I would rather just close the thing and be done, why do I have to respond to their closed message to close the match?! It's really silly.
- November 1st, 2009, 03:38 pm
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Yes, that's why I send that final message. To get the match out of my Communicating tab and into the Closed tab.
- November 1st, 2009, 03:44 pm
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melman wrote :
Maybe you're thinking about this in the wrong way. When someone closes you, the ball is back in your court. The site says "If you would like to reply to xxx now, click on Send Final Message."When you send a final message, then the match who closed can re-open. Otherwise, he/she can't.
Of the 5 Final Message choices, I can see where 4 can be interpreted as a request to re-open:
  • I have now posted my photo and when it is approved it should be available to you.
  • I have completed all my Match Profile questions.
  • I really felt that we had potential. I'd like you to reconsider.
  • I think if we met, you might have different feelings about who I am.

But "Good luck with your search." clearly is not. Why would you assume anyone sending that message, would want you to re-open?

Two points here - I'm surprised you're not up with this stuff.

First, if you were the one who was closed, you can ask to be re-opened at any time even if you just closed and sent the match to your closed file. [The exception is if the match has closed her account.]

Second, as I've already mentioned twice - now three times - in this thread, a match did want to get re-opened on occasion when using that phrase. I can't be any clearer than that.
- November 1st, 2009, 03:47 pm
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alissag wrote :
I've noticed that I can't "officially" close a match that has closed me without sending a response. It will just sit in my communicating folder without sending a closed message. I would rather just close the thing and be done, why do I have to respond to their closed message to close the match?! It's really silly.
I'm not sure what you're talking about. Normally, when I am the one being closed , I am given three choices. I can't remember the exact words, but it's something about just close it, send a final message [you're not required to], or put it aside for now and do nothing, while you think about it. I've always just closed. OR -your choice, not from eH - you can just leave it in your communicating file.
- November 1st, 2009, 03:54 pm
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pussinboots wrote :
First, if you were the one who was closed, you can ask to be re-opened at any time even if you just closed and sent the match to your closed file. [The exception is if the match has closed her account.
Huh? If I am the one who gets closed, the closer goes into my Communicating tab with status "Send Final Message". When I send a final message, it goes into the Closed tab with status "Read 'Closed' Message".

wrote :
Second, as I've already mentioned twice - now three times - in this thread, a match did want to get re-opened on occasion when using that phrase. I can't be any clearer than that.
How did you know that? Because you re-opened and she told you? I would never interpret "Good luck" as a request to re-open. I have always clicked Close Match when I receive this, and then the match is permanently closed from both sides.
- November 1st, 2009, 03:57 pm
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Hi Pussinboots,

Thanks for the feedback and letting us know how this has been an ambiguity for you. I believe I understand your original post – you are saying that you close a match, and sometimes the match sends the final message “Good luck with your search,” providing you with the option to re-open the match.

You have found that sometimes the match really was just trying to send a polite message and didn’t want to re-open, but other times you have found that she sent this message in hopes that you would re-open the message. You find this leaves more room for miscommunication and mixed messages – is that correct?

I personally have always considered sending this final message as a way to say something positive, and to additionally let the match know that you would be open if they chose to communicate in the future. Again, I think you’ve presented valid feedback. I can see where this final message could be interpreted in different ways, and in talking to members, I have seen it being taken in different ways.

Since at the moment, I can only offer suggestions or give information on a feature as it currently is, I do want to say that I think it was a good move to re-open and find out. I can also see that it’s not always that fun taking that step only to find out that they weren’t interested in communicating further. That would be extra work, and disappointing. Sorry that has happened.

Alissag and Melman – you do have the option to just close the match after the match has closed – or you should. You should be able to go to your My Matches tab, click on the “Read closed message” across from your match’s name, and next to “Send Final Message” there should be a “Close match” option.

If you don’t see this, I am wondering if it’s possibly a display error. Just to make sure, you may want t to contact Customer Care and find out if it is happening on our side as well. If it is, you will have helped us locate a tech error. If not, we may be able to help you view the “Close match” option. The Help link to send a message to our Customer Care team is: http://help-singles.eharmony.com.

All the best,

~Kate
eHarmony Advice Host
- November 1st, 2009, 04:37 pm
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