Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Using eHarmony If you have questions or comments about eHarmony's matching process, post it here. Or, lend your guidance and support to a fellow eHarmony member.

Reply
Page 2 of 2 1 2
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Wonderwoman402 Wonderwoman402 is offline
Wonderwoman402's Avatar

Enthusiast

Join Date: Jan 2009

Posts: 714

See profile

I am not a clock watcher, never have been. If there is a firm commitment and a number of people will be waiting on me (like a monthly lunch date I have with a group of friends), I will likely be on time. I work in an industry where it's more important to get the job done and done right... not that it is done precisely between 8:00 and 5:00. I haven't held a clock-punching job since high school and probably never will again. When I go to church, I usually get there when the first hymn is being sung, but I don't mind sitting in the back. When friends are having a gathering and they say it starts at 7:00, my friends know me well enough to know I'll probably be there around 7:30. Most friends and family gatherings have a flexible start time with socializing time built in before any meal or planned activity.

If I am running even a couple of minutes late for a date, I will call or text to let them know I'm on my way. I have never been 45 minutes late to a date... and I agree that would be very rude. I do NOT consider that I am rude, and none of my friends have ever insinuated otherwise. In fact, most of them have about the same attitude toward punctuality that I do.

I, personally, think punctuality is overrated, and if someone is very an al about it we probably aren't going to be a match, thus my question on the MH/CS list.

As to a couple of the comments above, no I am not late as a rebellion against anyone or anything. I do not have "daddy issues" (fer crying out loud, wherre did THAT come from? My dad, rest his soul, was a great man). And the guy who wanted to put off our date for 2 hours so he could work out was NOT an eHarmony match, so I did not "close him out." eHarmony, unlike other dating sites, has never produced a "meet" or "date" for me.

As for those who "hate people who are late" and usually arrive early... I had a date arrive early to pick me up once. I was not ready! I was pretty upset. Don't say you'll pick me up at 7:00 and show up at 6:45! I was barely dressed and still doing my hair. To me, showing up even a few minutes early for a date is far more rude than showing up a few minutes late.

Anyway.... I haven't closed the match yet, but there are other factors in his profile and answers that make me believe we are not likely to be a great match.
- August 27th, 2009, 04:37 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#11   Reply With Quote
tommyboy047 tommyboy047 is offline
tommyboy047's Avatar

tommyboy047 back

Quick Study

Join Date: May 2009

Posts: 226

See profile

You go girl!!!! You made your point well but I am sure you will still get flack from others. I never show up early for a date for the exact reason you stated, she says 7pm, I show up at 7pm and maybe a couple minutes later but then again I usually text to see if 7pm is still okay, never know, she might have run into traffic or had something pressing to do when she got home. Setting a time is not always cast in concrete unless it is needed.
- August 27th, 2009, 05:08 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#12   Reply With Quote
tbesq tbesq is offline
tbesq's Avatar

Volunteer Community Leader

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 3,309

See profile

If you are OK with people running late on your time, then I suppose that's fine. But I try not to keep people waiting, and so I expect the same in return. To me excessive tardiness is a more substantive dealbreaker than most dealbreakers people have.

Like others have said, I am not diabolical about punctuality; sometimes things are just out of your control. But in those situations, exercise common sense and let the person know what's going on.

I dated a woman who could never be on time for anything. But what irked me even more was that she wouldn't let me know that she was running way late until a minute or two before she was actually supposed to be there. We didn't date much longer. But God forbid I didn't pick up her phone calls on the first ring. You can see where this is going.

Punctuality is important, especially when it comes to making good first impressions. But everyone is different about it, so don't assume your inability to be on time will prevent you from dating.
- August 27th, 2009, 05:49 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#13   Reply With Quote
Robert_inSD Robert_inSD is offline
Robert_inSD's Avatar

Robert_inSD shares a real nebula photo. St. Valentine goes galactic!

Quick Study

Join Date: May 2009

Posts: 147

See profile

Wonderwoman402 wrote :
If a match puts "Punctuality.... I can't stand someone who is always late" in their "Must Haves/Can't Stands," should I just go ahead and close him out?
Nope! With over 50 years of blissful marriage, my Mother is always late, and my Father is always slightly early. Oh, the games they play with that! It's a hoot!

I'm one of those "punctual" types. I allow for traffic delays when I go to meet a lady, and WAIT until the appointed time, unless SHE is early. If she is running late, I'll call and ask about the delay, concerned for her well being. As for a MH/CS, I'm on the fence... some of us do find punctuality as a gesture of respect, but a call or notice is plenty. Is punctuality a MH in that case? I think it's more of a preference. The respect and communication of delays is likely why some choose that MH.

Now, a 2-hour delay at the last moment, or a cancellation, and no explanation later? I've closed those matches.

Gee, what a surprise... expecting communication and mutual respect in a relationship? Go figure...
- August 27th, 2009, 06:34 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#14   Reply With Quote
Wonderwoman402 Wonderwoman402 is offline
Wonderwoman402's Avatar

Enthusiast

Join Date: Jan 2009

Posts: 714

See profile

tbesq wrote :
..... don't assume your inability to be on time will prevent you from dating.
LOL!! I've NEVER assumed that!
- August 27th, 2009, 06:38 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#15   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

tenderheart105 tenderheart105 is offline
tenderheart105's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Aug 2009

Posts: 32

See profile

Being late does not necessarily mean that the person is inconsiderate, rude, or self-centred. I have two friends who are perpetually late. They tend to be less late or arrive exactly on time if the event is important. It can be annoying but I know that it is not intentional. They both have poor time management skills and can be a bit disorganized at times. BUT they are also two of the most compassionate people I know.
- August 27th, 2009, 07:22 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#16   Reply With Quote
PR_Princess PR_Princess is offline
PR_Princess's Avatar

PR_Princess Always treat her with respect, I never would abuse her

Pacesetter

Join Date: Jun 2009

Posts: 443

See profile

It's called the 15 minute rule...anything more warrants a phone call. For a person who is time sensitive and you are perpetually late it communicates you don't care enough. It's sort of like that unspoken rule about who is going to take out the trash...I make sure I take it out with me in the morning even if I'm running late. Unfortunately that has meant me stuffing it in my trunk at times which is not the best idea living in a hot climate. The rewards far outweigh the stench...my house is peaceful and smells fresh
- August 27th, 2009, 08:32 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#17   Reply With Quote
wordwoman wordwoman is offline
wordwoman's Avatar

wordwoman is in contemplation

Quick Study

Join Date: Mar 2009

Posts: 221

See profile

Wonderwoman402 wrote :
I do NOT consider that I am rude, and none of my friends have ever insinuated otherwise. In fact, most of them have about the same attitude toward punctuality that I do.

I, personally, think punctuality is overrated, and if someone is very an al about it we probably aren't going to be a match, thus my question on the MH/CS list.
While it isn't surprising that your friends think and believe as you do, how are you at accepting those who think and believe differently than you do? In other words, how tolerant are you toward those who value punctuality? In answering the question, I think you will have an answer as to how to deal with your match.

From reading your post, it seems your tardiness is situational. Public meetings, you're on time. Events with family or friends, you're late. What I take from it is: You can be on time when you want to be on time. But most of the time, especially with those who are close to you, you choose to be late, and in your experience and expectation, it is tolerated.

While you and your friends think punctuality is overrated, many others don't hold this view. They don't see punctuality as situational. For them, being on time consistently is a value. And, while you wouldn't describe your chronic tardiness as rude or disrespectful, others will indeed judge your behavior as such and act accordingly, and their assessment of the matter is as valid as your own.
Last edited by wordwoman; August 29th, 2009 at 10:51 am.
- August 29th, 2009, 12:14 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#18   Reply With Quote
Reply
Page 2 of 2 1 2

Bookmarks

« Why do I get all the overweight women as matches? | Array | 50% closed with reason other on first communication »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Great analysis flower child. To my knowledge these men were financially secure. Two of them had bought their own places and I'm sure my financial status came to mind when they thought of perhaps a ... ” – my5cents

Join the “Does a woman's financial well being, profession, and wage matter to the men?” discussion

“I do like meeting people through mutual friends....it can be a nice filter to weed out really problem people. What you describe here sounds like kind of a 'hot and cold' thing that I've heard of ... ” – wilky

Join the “Dating and insecurity” discussion

“ I am going to try to talk to women I see in the supermarket or anywhere else just as a test. I'll see where it takes me. There are many events where I live, but not too many clubs and the few ... ” – j0hn8andy

Join the “Dating: Why Age is an Asset” discussion

“.... and yet she continues to stay...?! The Drama Triangle (each role gets rewarded)- PERSECUTOR - "It's All Your Fault" Blames Criticizes Keeps "Victim" oppressed Is mobilized by anger Rigid, ... ” – ming_on_mongo

Join the “Frustrated & Confused: Is He A Sexual Addict???” discussion

“ Depends on the definition of relationship. "Relationship," to me, means seeing someone to spend time together, and to have an intimate partner. That decision I make on the first meeting - but ... ” – D_Lion

Join the “how many dates before a guy...” discussion

“See as many people as you have the resources to handle. I do not develope feelings anywhere near one month, or several dates, so I think that is far too soon to agree to exclusivity. Though it is ... ” – D_Lion

Join the “How do you know you won't regret” discussion

“I couldn't afford you. ” – nightling

Join the “Safety precautions and dating” discussion

“ That is correctly termed "and," not "rather."” – D_Lion

Join the “What am I doing wrong?” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:53 am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0