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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is online now
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Gr8Guyn2008 I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me

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I have this in my profile for number 1.

"A strong family life leads the way followed by good friendships.

It is important that my match be as dedicated to building a strong long term relationship as I. Be an equal partner in building the relationship. Will communicate their feelings, thoughts and desires honestly and openly, I can't read minds and my crystal ball is broken. Hopefully the ultimate goal will be marriage.

There are also many other things I care about."

Give me your opinions. Is it too strong? Should I say something differently?

TIA
- July 4th, 2009, 12:32 pm
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wordwoman wordwoman is offline
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wordwoman is in contemplation

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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
"A strong family life leads the way followed by good friendships.

It is important that my match be as dedicated to building a strong long term relationship as I. Be an equal partner in building the relationship. Will communicate their feelings, thoughts and desires honestly and openly, I can't read minds and my crystal ball is broken. Hopefully the ultimate goal will be marriage.

There are also many other things I care about."
You have a crystal ball, I'm impressed. Why not send it out for repair?

On the real: One nitpick: It should be "her" not "their."
- July 4th, 2009, 01:11 pm
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j0hn8andy j0hn8andy is offline
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j0hn8andy .....Take off the Rings.....That's the Goal.....

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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
All

I have this in my profile for number 1.

"A strong family life leads the way followed by good friendships.

It is important that my match be as dedicated to building a strong long term relationship as I. Be an equal partner in building the relationship. Will communicate their feelings, thoughts and desires honestly and openly, I can't read minds and my crystal ball is broken. Hopefully the ultimate goal will be marriage.

There are also many other things I care about."

Give me your opinions. Is it too strong? Should I say something differently?

TIA



To me, it sounds a little...stilted.

The strong family life, good friendships OK. The ultimate goal of marriage lets them know you are serious. So far, so good!

The next part doesn't do it for me. I would assume anybody here wants to build a strong long-term relationship. I also assume they will be equal & will make an honest attempt at communication.

Reading minds & crystal balls? To be honest, it's probably fair to say that every woman has heard that from some man at some point in their life. Usually in the midst of an argument...

I'm sure you have your reasons for saying it, but I really don't think she wants to hear it here. Not when she's looking at you with potential.

The many other things, unless enumerated, are of little help.



Here's mine:
Being surrounded by art I love.
Creating a beautiful home wherever I am.
Travel for that sense of adventure.

But I don't even have my Matches turned on. What the heck do I know?
- July 4th, 2009, 01:59 pm
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D_Lion D_Lion is online now
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It’s the women’s feedback you need, but here are my thoughts:

“Be an equal partner in building the relationship. Will communicate their feelings, thoughts and desires honestly and openly,”

I do not favor profiles which have in them a list of requirements for the match to meet. It sounds like bitterness and unresolved baggage from past relationships. I prefer to see profiles where she is presenting herself in a positive manner, by using the tone of her communication to convey her emotional health and readiness for a romantic relationship.

You can communicate this same idea without sounding like you’re describing what was missing in your prior relationships by rewriting this so it is instead in first-person voice and presented as favorable characteristics you possess.

Here you are looking for a list of things which everyone ought to have. I favor a profile tone which assumes all matches will possess these fundamental prerequisites, and therefore the actual words in the profile can be used to describe you in a way which will induce specific matches to want to get to know more about you.

“I can't read minds and my crystal ball is broken.”

This sounds negative to me … again, baggage.

“There are also many other things I care about”

Trite. How many profiles have you seen where a woman wrote “I’ll tell you later,” or “become my friend and find out?”

Just describe some core values and goals you have in a positive way; do not give in to the urge to have an exhaustive list … it isn’t a resume.
- July 4th, 2009, 02:09 pm
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Hi Gr8Guy,
I'm going to apologize right from the start to get it over with - I'm going to be a little blunt, but I'm only trying to help here

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
"A strong family life leads the way followed by good friendships.

It is important that my match be as dedicated to building a strong long term relationship as I.
I like the opener. It conveys your strong family values and appreciation of important people in your life.

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Be an equal partner in building the relationship. Will communicate their feelings, thoughts and desires honestly and openly, I can't read minds and my crystal ball is broken. Hopefully the ultimate goal will be marriage.
This part is probematic for me. I don't mean to sound too emotional, but the purpose of the profile is to convery information as well as emotion. You do well with information. But the emotion I'm getting is disillusionment and some bitterness based on past experiences. And the last thing I want to do is battle and balance out the effects of your past relationships, not right from the start. I would personally close based on this.

How about rephrasing slightly, something like

I'd love to have a crystal ball to read minds, but unfortunately it's been broken for a while now. So, I'd like to meet a lady, who will communicate her feelings, thoughts and desires honestly and openly, be my equal partner in building our relationship over time, with a shared ultimate goal of marriage.

I tried to use your own words for the most part. But it sounds a little warmer and less bitter.

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
There are also many other things I care about."
I like this part. But I would add something like "and I would love to share them with you when we meet" -

adds a little intrigue, which can never hurt, and makes it a little more personal to your reader.

Hope this is of some assistance to you.

Good luck! You sound like a Gr8Guy even n2009 to me
- July 4th, 2009, 02:58 pm
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BuddhaLite BuddhaLite is offline
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
All

I have this in my profile for number 1.

"A strong family life leads the way followed by good friendships.

It is important that my match be as dedicated to building a strong long term relationship as I. Be an equal partner in building the relationship. Will communicate their feelings, thoughts and desires honestly and openly, I can't read minds and my crystal ball is broken. Hopefully the ultimate goal will be marriage.

There are also many other things I care about."

Give me your opinions. Is it too strong? Should I say something differently?

TIA
Isn't this what the must haves / can't stands part of communication is for?
- July 4th, 2009, 07:04 pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is online now
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Gr8Guyn2008 I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me

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IcecreamMoon thanks for the re-write I think I like it. I was feeling that I was not properly conveying what I wanted.
- July 4th, 2009, 07:25 pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is online now
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Gr8Guyn2008 I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me

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IcecreamMoon wrote :
Hi Gr8Guy,
I'm going to apologize right from the start to get it over with - I'm going to be a little blunt, but I'm only trying to help here



I like the opener. It conveys your strong family values and appreciation of important people in your life.



This part is probematic for me. I don't mean to sound too emotional, but the purpose of the profile is to convery information as well as emotion. You do well with information. But the emotion I'm getting is disillusionment and some bitterness based on past experiences. And the last thing I want to do is battle and balance out the effects of your past relationships, not right from the start. I would personally close based on this.

How about rephrasing slightly, something like

I'd love to have a crystal ball to read minds, but unfortunately it's been broken for a while now. So, I'd like to meet a lady, who will communicate her feelings, thoughts and desires honestly and openly, be my equal partner in building our relationship over time, with a shared ultimate goal of marriage.

I tried to use your own words for the most part. But it sounds a little warmer and less bitter.



I like this part. But I would add something like "and I would love to share them with you when we meet" -

adds a little intrigue, which can never hurt, and makes it a little more personal to your reader.

Hope this is of some assistance to you.

Good luck! You sound like a Gr8Guy even n2009 to me
BuddhaLite wrote :
Isn't this what the must haves / can't stands part of communication is for?
The MHCS section only allows you to select from eHarmony's canned choices. And in my experience the fastest way to get closed out is to put anything other than the most benign choices in your MHCS.
- July 4th, 2009, 07:28 pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is online now
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Gr8Guyn2008 I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me

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- July 4th, 2009, 08:16 pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is online now
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Gr8Guyn2008 I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me

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OK here is the re-write, see if I am taking the negative edge off and getting closer to something that will work:

"A strong family life leads the way followed by good friendships.

It is important that my match be as dedicated to building a strong long term relationship as I. I'd love to have a crystal ball or read minds, but sadly no crystal ball and can't read minds So, I'd like to meet a lady, who will communicate her feelings, thoughts and desires honestly and openly, be my equal partner in building our relationship over time, hopefully with a shared ultimate goal of marriage..

There are also many other things I care about and I would love to share them with you when we meet."

TIA
- July 4th, 2009, 08:38 pm
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