how do you know if some of the people on this site -say they are not married  but are lying.

my husband  of 19 years is registered , and is married with 2 children. he considers himself a catholic christian.  any girl out there who thinks shes meeting a decent single man ought to beware and run for the hills.

as a "christian" site I would like to know what - if anything - does the site do to discourage stuff like this.

Unfortunately really good liars don't follow these rules.   I just broke up with one but was fooled for a long time.  The only point that I agree with is Trust your Gut.  And if you feel anything in it, run!

Everytime I've had a gut feeling; I was right on target. I just ended a live in relationship with a master liar. He was such a great liar and deceiver that when I confronted him with a certain situation about an ex girlfriend, he became so defensive and started yelling at me. Well, brother, the door is right there, here's your clothes, and don't let the door hit you on the you

on the you know what on the way out. He's left some of his belongings at my place. Thinks he's going to get back into my good graces. He doesn't come and get them, out the door

they go just like he is. Liars are cowards and users. The reality and truth factors have no place

in their deceiptful lives and no one should have these creeps in their lives. Move on. Truthful

people are out there.

"The greater a story's complexity the more likely it is to be untruthful." has to be one of the most inane statements of "advice' that I have ever read.  Life is complex and becomes moreso as one continues on that journey through life.

A response to everyone especially HeartnSoul1...

First:
> If his eyes move up and to the right while he thinks of what to tell you next, watch out!

Two comments: 1) men lie, and women lie also; and 2) You are referring to "eye accessing cues" and that requires something called "calibration " as well as practice. This is bad advice on the order of "If you have a pain in your chest just take some pain killers." Your advice may cause a liar to go undiagnosed, but worse, cause a good relationship to end! A faithful partner who is simply left handed or differently organized could be branded a liar! This information is wrong and should be ignored. For correct information, google "eye accessing cues" and read.

On liars and people, and people who lie:

I understand and can clearly feel you pain, Ms. HeartSoul, and I have a gift for you: You need to forgive him, not for his sake but for your sake.

I'm not suggesting for one minute that you take him back into your life, or that you allow him to hurt you anymore, I'm merely suggestion that through forgiveness and understanding the sharp intense emotion in your mind and body will be released before it can do any damage. I work with people all the time that have physical issues that when explored, inevitably lead to a memory of a painful experience. Think of it this way... the brain stores memories, and also manages different parts of the body. When an unresolved issue is in the brain, that area of the brain controls some part of the body. Is it any surprise that someone would feel pain in that part of her body?

One way to begin the process of forgiveness is to "unzip" the person from their behavior. I've had many patients over the years that came to me because they would lie uncontrollably and put their work and relationships in danger. Inevitably it results from some coping behavior from childhood, often the person was abused and would lie to avoid that. By working through the root issues, the lying would stop and the patient would be aware of the benefits and joy of telling the truth. Telling lies all the time is painful, just like any behavior like drinking, smoking, over-eating, etc., but people do it because the pain that they avoid is worse than the pain of the behavior. It isn’t because people are “bad” but instead because they learn strategies to cope that aren’t as good as your strategies, or perhaps, consider that they had to cope with something that you never had to cope with! Understanding this can lead to your own healing which is all I'm referring to here.

A final note... while bashing him and letting the door hit him in the rump may feel good, but... that energy doesn't come from a good place. Worse, as friends console you and give you attention, "yeah, you tell him girl" "get RID of that JERK" and words along those lines, it sets up something we call "secondary gain" which may cause you to subconsciously attract this experience again to regain this attention and accolades. It's a complex response that does often happen to people and noticing it is difficult, more often people complain "Why does that always happen to me?" without recognizing they are attracting it.

Think of him as an alcoholic that you aren't willing to help; grieve, forgive and move on. It isn't as much fun but it is so much more healthy for you and for the "universal spirit" of the world.

I hope this message finds gentle, receptive and understanding eyes and ears.