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sideline sideline is offline
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I have been dating a really nice man for over a year now. We have a great relationship.

The other day he lent me his laptop so that I could work on some courses that he had downloaded onto his computer. I noticed an icon on his computer and opened it up to find that it was porn, Also about a week ago he was on my computer looking up lonely planet information,while I was on the phone. When he had gone home, I went onto my computer and noticed that he had googled some porn.

With this in mind getting back to his laptop, it made me curious and I probably shouldnt have done this but I clicked on history only to find about 80% of his history had to do with porn.

Needless to say my heart dropped.

Should I say anything to him? I feel very disappointed. Is this normal when you are in a relationship to be looking at that much porn?

Please let me know what you would do?
Advice is greatly appreciated.
- October 29th, 2009, 06:18 am
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kevin76 kevin76 is offline
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If 80% of his history is porn, and he even looked it up while using your computer, those are signs of an addiction. If I'm right about that and it is an addiction, he won't be able to stop himself just because he's in a relationship - that's the nature of addiction.

If it bothers you a lot (seems like it does since your 'heart dropped' when you saw it) you have to decide whether to talk to him about it or just end the relationship.

If you talk to him about it there's no guarantee how he'll react, but even if he's honest and willing to try to quit (the best case) it still won't be easy. So it's up to you how much time and trouble you want to go through to work on this relationship.
- October 29th, 2009, 06:41 am
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PR_Princess PR_Princess is offline
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Your gut reaction is your answer....and just because you see it as a problem doesn't mean he will. Walk on by this one my friend....walk on by...
- October 29th, 2009, 07:34 am
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Harvey7 Harvey7 is offline
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The other side of the coin!
Women want their guy to be Monogamous. The guy is being monogamous to you, but what is he supposed to do to relieve his sexual tensions? What do you do to relieve your sexual tensions?

Are you prepared to relieve all of his sexual tension, if he will give up his porn hobby? You don't know that he has a problem ?or if normal, peoples have different norms.? So maybe you should have a heart to heart talk with him, but be prepared to offer him alternatives, nothing for nothing does not work and to also explain your snooping. Get back to us and good luck.

Harvey7.
Last edited by Harvey7; October 29th, 2009 at 09:54 am.
- October 29th, 2009, 09:50 am
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neardc neardc is offline
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Harvey7 wrote :
The other side of the coin!
Women want their guy to be Monogamous. The guy is being monogamous to you, but what is he supposed to do to relieve his sexual tensions? What do you do to relieve your sexual tensions?
An obsession with viewing porn doesn't actually have much to do with "sexual tension"; it's a compulsion. "Relieving" his sexual tension will not alleviate his focus on porn.

To the OP -- This is an issue that is not going to go away. It's a secret that he has been hiding from you (although perhaps the fact that he viewed porn on your computer was his way of coming "out" to you about it -- albeit in a manner that puts the burden on you to bring the topic up). If this is something that he can't control and/or he wishes to continue, then you will have to make a decision about whether it's acceptable to you to have this in your life. If not (and for many women, it's not), there are other men out there who do not focus on porn in this way.

Good luck to you.
- October 29th, 2009, 10:22 am
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BrickWallsBreak BrickWallsBreak is offline
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He needs help. Yes, talk to him. Explain that you weren't snooping, but it was there and you clicked it, like anyone would, really. But if you are on the phone and he is Googling porn on YOUR computer, he has some issues that need to be dealt with constructively. Try not to make it a confrontation, but a discussion. See what his reaction is and take it from there.
- October 29th, 2009, 03:16 pm
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BrickWallsBreak BrickWallsBreak is offline
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He needs help. Yes, talk to him. Explain that you weren't snooping, but it was there and you clicked it, like anyone would, really. But if you are on the phone and he is Googling porn on YOUR computer, he has some issues that need to be dealt with constructively. Try not to make it a confrontation, but a discussion. See what his reaction is and take it from there.
- October 29th, 2009, 03:16 pm
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Harvey7 Harvey7 is offline
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neardc wrote :
An obsession with viewing porn doesn't actually have much to do with "sexual tension"; it's a compulsion. "Relieving" his sexual tension will not alleviate his focus on porn.

To the OP -- This is an issue that is not going to go away. It's a secret that he has been hiding from you (although perhaps the fact that he viewed porn on your computer was his way of coming "out" to you about it -- albeit in a manner that puts the burden on you to bring the topic up). If this is something that he can't control and/or he wishes to continue, then you will have to make a decision about whether it's acceptable to you to have this in your life. If not (and for many women, it's not), there are other men out there who do not focus on porn in this way.

Good luck to you.

Your opinion about an obsession is based on what factual information?

Harvey7.
- October 29th, 2009, 09:14 pm
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melman melman is offline
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Oh come on Harvey. Anyone who uses somebody else's computer to look up porn clearly has a problem.
- October 29th, 2009, 09:19 pm
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Can_I_just_be_Jo Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline
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Whether or not he has "issues"(sorry love when people use that term for everything) is not the decision criteria here. She has issues with someone who enjoys porn. End of discussion. There is no hope here.
- October 30th, 2009, 07:05 am
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Harvey7 Harvey7 is offline
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Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
Whether or not he has "issues"(sorry love when people use that term for everything) is not the decision criteria here. She has issues with someone who enjoys porn. End of discussion. There is no hope here.
There has been no discussion, no communications on the subject, just speculation because she snooped. What are her options and what would she be willing to do to help him get past it? What would you be willing to do to help someone that you like very much? There is a reason for everything?

Harvey7.
- October 30th, 2009, 07:20 am
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