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Edmondo Edmondo is offline
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I am a few pounds over weight so I diet and exercise.

I do not mind if she is a little over weight but draw the line at morbidly obese.
- October 11th, 2009, 10:59 am
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Jacquesne Jacquesne is offline
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traceyrae wrote :
As a heavy woman, I find this a bit offensive. Any man who just clicks right on past me because of my size is losing out on a great opportunity for a great partner. I am a hard working single mom. I am a great teacher. I am intelligent and a very devoted partner and lover. I am who and what I am and I make no apologies for it. If you don't want me because of my size, that is your loss.

What is the shallowest you will accept?
I'm sorry, I simply don't understand this mentality. I've been directly turned down by a woman because she is 5'7" and I'm 5'8" and so she'd be taller than me in heels. I've been turned down by women who won't date guys who are losing their hair. I've been turned down by women who don't like guys with chest hair. And I've been turned down by women who don't like guys in the military.

So what? Does their decision have anything to do with me? Does it make a girl shallow because she can't imagine being with a guy whom she can't run her fingers through his hair because it's cut short? Or a girl who assumes I'm a bad person because of my job?

Just the other day I had a girl in one of my classes completely shocked when I told her I was a Marine. She said she didn't believe me at first and asked me if all Marines were jerks. I told her some people actually chose the job to protect their country and not because they want to shoot guns and have the magic uniform that gets them in bed with every woman on Earth (a myth, by the way).

The majority of women I know are not attracted to me for one reason or another. All this means is that I can hang out with them as friends and not worry about it. I don't see any reason to see them as shallow people simply because they don't find me an attractive guy. And I wouldn't want them to force it.

Whenever I see someone being called shallow for not being attracted to someone else I always have to wonder who's more concerned with that issue...the other person or the person calling someone else shallow. If you're really happy the way you are then there's no reason to look down on others for being the way they are.

In all likelihood you aren't attracted to every man in the world. So why would you consider every man not attracted to you to be shallow? Wouldn't that make you shallow too for not being attracted to every man?

That's why I don't like these threads. They're shallow in their own way because they limit themselves to individual criteria almost as if they're trying to create a trap. Attraction is not a simple function of weight vs. personality. If only it were so easy.

Jacquesne
- October 11th, 2009, 11:03 am
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Jacquesne wrote :
In all likelihood you aren't attracted to every man in the world. So why would you consider every man not attracted to you to be shallow? Wouldn't that make you shallow too for not being attracted to every man?

That's why I don't like these threads. They're shallow in their own way because they limit themselves to individual criteria almost as if they're trying to create a trap. Attraction is not a simple function of weight vs. personality. If only it were so easy.

Jacquesne
I think the charges of shallowness are quite sad and pathetic.

I'm a big dude, but have lost quite a bit of weight. I also know that 20 pounds more and my weight will only be an issue with women who only really like skinny guys.

Do I feel they are being shallow? No, not at all. It is their perogative to choose to date someone they feel attracted to. Just as it is my perogative to have no interest in BBW.

The key to starting any relationship is chemistry. Physical attraction is an undeniable part of that.

Questions like "What is the shallowest you will accept?" are just bitter and a huge red flag to me.
- October 11th, 2009, 11:31 am
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DennisWisconsin DennisWisconsin is offline
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How heavy will I accept? If I'm on top and I keep rolling off, she's too heavy for me...
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- October 11th, 2009, 11:48 am
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scarlet13 scarlet13 is offline
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I think that some of the frustration or comments on shallowness comes mostly from online dating, where people see a few sometimes not flattering pics and dismiss someone on that basis alone.
- October 11th, 2009, 12:01 pm
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DennisWisconsin DennisWisconsin is offline
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traceyrae wrote :
As a heavy woman, I find this a bit offensive. Any man who just clicks right on past me because of my size is losing out on a great opportunity for a great partner. I am a hard working single mom. I am a great teacher. I am intelligent and a very devoted partner and lover. I am who and what I am and I make no apologies for it. If you don't want me because of my size, that is your loss.

What is the shallowest you will accept?
This statement is naive and unrealistic... Intimacy requires attraction.

There are many types of unattractive traits. We all have them. You have accepted yours. Calling people shallow for being unattracted to yours is just a defensive mechanism.
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- October 11th, 2009, 01:05 pm
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CO throws her head back and sings:
"he ain't heavy ... he's my brotha!"

Awesome CO !!!!

The man who inspire my screen name was a match on EH We met and he was atleast 1 foot taller than me and maybe 80 - 100 lbs heavier. We got to the pool hall and he opened the door for me, helped me off with my coat and hung it up and then repatedly kicked my butt at pool I was immediately and still am attracted to him. We haven't seen each other in over a year but according to FB he has lost a ton of weight and looks great. I am happy for him but it wouldn't matter to me if he gained it all back. It is the man he is who I like not the number on his bathroom scale!!
- October 11th, 2009, 02:17 pm
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stevex stevex is offline
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I have said it before and I will say it again, weight doesn't make or break a woman for me. I pay much more attention to facial attraction. But the biggest thing for me is personality and humor.
- October 11th, 2009, 05:58 pm
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scarlet13 wrote :
I think that some of the frustration or comments on shallowness comes mostly from online dating, where people see a few sometimes not flattering pics and dismiss someone on that basis alone.
+1

Isn't that a function of how many potential matches are out there online?

It's very difficult to give full attention to all your matches and really get to know them.

Appearance is one way to narrow the options. Sure you can chalk someone who closed you up to them being shallow, but that just fuels personal anger and resentment.

If you are a larger person and accept yourself for who you are and the size you are, you will accept the fact that some people won't be attracted to you based on your size.
- October 11th, 2009, 06:08 pm
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scarlet13 scarlet13 is offline
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I don't think that attractiveness can be wholly based on a picure alone, just like chemistry is sometimes apparent online but not in RL.

or, let's say you meet a woman online and never see her picture, but you get along great and she tells you she's 30 lbs overweight. closing her at this point would be shallow, because what if she's a plus size model, perfectly proportional, drop dead gorgeous without an ounce of cellulite?

just a thought. it's one of the bad things about online dating.
Last edited by scarlet13; October 11th, 2009 at 06:25 pm.
- October 11th, 2009, 06:21 pm
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