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simplemind simplemind is offline
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That said, if you are looking for someone who might have the potential for a genuine LTR, it'd be right about the time you start talking exclusive.

and no matter when you do it, it will be hard. but to me, courage is to be respected, and the courage to do the right thing when you're scared as hell...is the kind of courage I'd want to be around.


Just my .02
- August 26th, 2009, 09:02 pm
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RebornInFire RebornInFire is offline
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Just remember this.

If you are old enough..having never been married can be just as off-putting.

In a best case scenario...women are hoping for a widower I think.
- August 26th, 2009, 09:14 pm
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chawks64 chawks64 is offline
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chawks64 is hopeful but cautious.

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simplemind wrote :
Depends on what you're looking for in online dating.

If you want a good time, keep the avatar, tell them nothing, and have a good time whilst emphasizing that is all you're looking for.
A woman who finds that avatar appealing isn't going to care all that much for how many times you've been married. She may wish to do a wallet biopsy, though.
ROFL! Very true!

Hey, I've been divorced twice, and some guys have had an issue with any number higher than 1. You just can't please everyone.

I have dated men who have been divorced anywhere between 0 and 4 times. I'd love to say it doesn't matter, but it's not exactly irrelevent either. But it is what it is and you can't change the past, only learn from it. I don't see the need to bring it up on the first date or two, though.

Yeah, I'd change the avatar, too. I've seen guys with pics like that on Match, and for most women, it's an automatic No.
- August 26th, 2009, 09:18 pm
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chawks64 chawks64 is offline
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RebornInFire wrote :
Just remember this.

If you are old enough..having never been married can be just as off-putting.

In a best case scenario...women are hoping for a widower I think.
Um... no.

I dated a man who was widowed and then divorced. I could never be as good as his deceased wife, but he assumed I would do everything wrong that his ex did.

So you just can't win.
- August 26th, 2009, 09:22 pm
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DeBrown DeBrown is offline
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DeBrown To be Irish is to know that in the end, the world will break your heart.

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A couple of thoughts. I'm 49 and have been divorced twice. The first marriage produced 3 kids and lasted 18 years... much of it really good. The second marriage was a "rebound" thing and was a mistake from day 1-- it lasted 4 unhappy years. (just so you know from whom you are getting this advice)

I recommend telling as soon as it becomes appropriate in the relationship. Why? Because I think the other person has the right to know about it before s/he gets too emotionally involved.

For me, I recognize that a lot of men will automatically check me off the list when they learn I've been divorced twice. However, that is their right and and I don't want to waste their time or mine by delaying the information.

Also, I read an article recently that showd that the 3rd marriage often turns out to be the one that lasts. From the first marriage you learn a lot of lessons about what you did right and what you did wrong. The second marriage is often the "rebound" one and was wrong from the start. The third one happens when you are comfortable in your own skin finally and you can recognize that marriage is a partnership and will have its ups and downs.

I hope this helps!
- August 26th, 2009, 09:34 pm
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flowerchild66 flowerchild66 is offline
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elgeo wrote :
One of the hardest things for me is knowing when to expose the fact that I have been married and divorced 3 times. If I do it too early, it scares my matches away, and If I do it too late, they think I've misled them. What would you suggest?
ELGEO
Wouldn't it be better to have the matches who would be scared off out of the picture anyway? Why muddy the waters with those who would have issue with your statistics? If she doesn't ask early on, I say disclose early anyway as not to waste your time and hers.
- August 26th, 2009, 11:43 pm
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lil_lamb lil_lamb is offline
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uh, yeah, what's with the pic of the hoochies? i mean, maybe it's not the three divorces but the three divorces and the hoochie pic...
- August 27th, 2009, 12:14 am
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ZisaGirl ZisaGirl is offline
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I agree, lose the "hoochie" pic.

I'm a 47 year-old woman who went through my 3rd divorce at age 40. My first thought was, "I'll never get another date, being over 40 & divorced 3 times".

I figured, honesty is the best policy, so when I meet a new guy, at the earliest possible time, I tell him about the 3 divorces. If he's interested, I give the abridged versions of what happened. I have not had ONE guy, in SEVEN years of dating/relationships, have a problem with it. Every single guy I've met has asked me out again, AFTER I've revealed it to them. They've thanked me for the honesty, said they understood why, after I explained it to them, and that was that.

So, my philosophy remains: earlier is better. I figure, yes, I made mistakes, but it's something I can't change, so omitting it is kind of like hiding from it. It's part of who I am, it's made me who I am today, and I figure, if someone doesn't like it, then that's fine, as there's nothing I can do to change my history.

Having said that, I NEVER bash or speak negatively about my exes (even though I have reason to!). I present it in an "I learned this about myself" kind of way, and we move on and have a good time from there. When I present it that way, the guy I'm with figures, hey she's moved on, and we enjoy ourselves. I never spend too much time talking about it (5-10 mins, tops), and I then ask about their exes/situation.
Last edited by ZisaGirl; August 28th, 2009 at 02:18 pm.
- August 28th, 2009, 02:13 pm
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wordwoman wordwoman is offline
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elgeo wrote :
One of the hardest things for me is knowing when to expose the fact that I have been married and divorced 3 times. If I do it too early, it scares my matches away, and If I do it too late, they think I've misled them. What would you suggest?
ELGEO
Bring it up when it makes sense to talk about it, which is probably during the early stages of dating when both of you are finding out relevant information about each other. The 3 divorces are facts, and there's nothing to be gained by hiding and stumbling over and around the matter. I say provide the information as succinctly as possible, and if the woman you're dating wants to know more, she'll let you know.

BTW, I have a good friend who dated a man who had 3 ex-wives. And, he had kids by each former spouse as well. My friend was crazy about the guy from jump street and didn't really care about the ex-wives, but he insisted on taking things slowly, saying he wanted to give her time to get to know all those kids (5 of them) and all those ex-wives. I came to really like him for his patience and willingness to work out the complicated relationships he brought with him into the new relationship with my friend, whom he treated very well. Eventually, my friend became this guy's 4th wife; they've been married for over 20 years.
- August 28th, 2009, 09:12 pm
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Mainah64 Mainah64 is offline
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I'd want a potential match to be honest right from the get go. Any hiding pertinant facts would be a huge flag.

From my own peronal experience, I find more than one divorce to make me think of one's durability and decision making process. Not a deal breaking though.
- August 28th, 2009, 10:50 pm
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