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Can_I_just_be_Jo Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline
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I was speaking to a gentleman I was dating. His ex was taking him back to court because he was cutting off the child support for the craziest of reasons, their kids were no longer children. I really was shocked women behave in this manner. So I asked him what do you call a woman who not only agreed to but insisted that her support be capped at four years. He said that person doesn't exist so they have no name. I asked if he wanted to see my divorce decree.

I needed the ability to support my kids and myself. I asked only four years to earn a five year degree. I added a second major so I will have earned 183 credit hours in four years. Do the math, I have no life. What I do have is my self respect and that is worth more to me than money.

So as I look at all you wonderful men in the dating pool should I assume you believe that I am like your ex. Should I assume you believe I bled him dry and will keep squeezing until the last one turns 22?

It makes me sad to think that after I tried to be fair that I would be judged by some stereotype. So kind gentleman what should I think?
- November 3rd, 2009, 06:45 pm
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D_Lion D_Lion is offline
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Good post and good point.

It is fair to make an initial impression on probability until better data is available. That is sound reasoning, and essential.

However, when better data comes in, one needs to replace the older, lower-quality, data with the new data.
- November 3rd, 2009, 06:49 pm
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Can_I_just_be_Jo Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline
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D_Lion wrote :
Good post and good point.

It is fair to make an initial impression on probability until better data is available. That is sound reasoning, and essential.

However, when better data comes in, one needs to replace the older, lower-quality, data with the new data.
So you don't believe that this initial impression could taint a man's perception of everything the woman says in that first meeting. I have only dated men I already knew so I don't know what first date conversations are supposed to go but say he asked what I did that day and I said marathon shopping. Should I believe he thinks I was spending my ex's money?
- November 3rd, 2009, 06:59 pm
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SactoDoug SactoDoug is offline
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All stereotypes have a grain of truth in them. Ex-wives have a bad reputation because the system is rigged to bleed men dry.

Now you are part of that group so just expect that everyone will assume you are just like every other ex-wife. You are not going to change that perception with this post. You can explain it to the men that you meet and they will think differently of you.

To be honest, your post is not going to sway me much. I have plenty of divorced friends that were sent through the ringer by their ex-wives. I will always assume that divorced women got every penny they could, deserved or not, out of their ex's.
- November 3rd, 2009, 07:02 pm
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I wouldn't hold it against a woman to get child support, as long as it wasn't some really ridiculous arrangement. I don't know why a woman wouldn't want child support, regardless of how much money she makes. I mean, I'd want to contribute to the well being of any children that I had, regardless of a court order. Though, after they became adults I'd want to use my money to help my children in the way I see fit, rather than continuing to pay this to my ex to spend on them as she chose.
- November 3rd, 2009, 07:10 pm
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Can_I_just_be_Jo Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline
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SactoDoug wrote :
All stereotypes have a grain of truth in them. Ex-wives have a bad reputation because the system is rigged to bleed men dry.

Now you are part of that group so just expect that everyone will assume you are just like every other ex-wife. You are not going to change that perception with this post. You can explain it to the men that you meet and they will think differently of you.

To be honest, your post is not going to sway me much. I have plenty of divorced friends that were sent through the ringer by their ex-wives. I will always assume that divorced women got every penny they could, deserved or not, out of their ex's.
So really it is inconceivable to you that the woman got the raw end of the stick? It doesn't bother me either way. It really never occurred to me until reading some of the posts tonight. I made my choices because they made me happy not for anyone else or a pat on the back.
- November 3rd, 2009, 07:13 pm
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- November 3rd, 2009, 07:14 pm
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Can_I_just_be_Jo Can_I_just_be_Jo is offline
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jayjay wrote :
I wouldn't hold it against a woman to get child support, as long as it wasn't some really ridiculous arrangement. I don't know why a woman wouldn't want child support, regardless of how much money she makes. I mean, I'd want to contribute to the well being of any children that I had, regardless of a court order. Though, after they became adults I'd want to use my money to help my children in the way I see fit, rather than continuing to pay this to my ex to spend on them as she chose.
The ex lived in a bigger house than he did. She was crying to the court that she would lose it if he didn't keep paying. I would think this is the worst in women, maybe hope is a better word.
- November 3rd, 2009, 07:15 pm
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D_Lion D_Lion is offline
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Agree with Doug. It is so bad it is reason not to have children (I probably would marry, but only to a woman of comparable resources.)

***

To your question, I tend not to make assumptions at all - I check the way the women act, limit my exposure, and don't proceed in the face of unreciprocated interest.
- November 3rd, 2009, 07:17 pm
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jayjay jayjay is offline
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Can_I_just_be_Jo wrote :
The ex lived in a bigger house than he did. She was crying to the court that she would lose it if he didn't keep paying. I would think this is the worst in women, maybe hope is a better word.
I can't dispute that there are many women who are unreasonable in what they want from an ex. I just wouldn't think that wanting a child support contribution makes a woman 'bad'.
- November 3rd, 2009, 07:19 pm
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