Interview with Nicholas Sparks: What I've Learned About Love

eHarmony Advice sits down with critically acclaimed novelist Nicholas Sparks to talk about life, love and relationships. Sparks has penned over a dozen books, including The Notebook and Nights in Rodanthe. See what he has to say about life's most complicated subject: Love.

Richard Gere, Diane Lane, Nights in Rodanthe
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Nicholas Sparks is one of America’s foremost authors, a sensitive observer of relationships who has written some of the most romantic, rustic, and realistic portrayals of love at all phases of life. The film adaptation of his novel Nights in Rodanthe, starring Richard Gere and Diane Lane, is in theaters Sept. 26.

Today he shares with us what he has learned through his many years of being a writer, a loving husband, and a father of five.

• “Love is possible, and falling in love often happens when you least expect it and you’re not looking for it.”

• “Above all, love is defined by what you do as opposed to what you say. Because in every life, there’ll be happiness and sorrow, joy and pain. And often it’s the support that is expressed through action that is most meaningful in both the highs and lows of life.”

• “People can love you, even with your imperfections. And that’s a very liberating thing.”

• “Too often, too much emphasis is placed on words as opposed to actions. It’s one thing to say you love somebody five times a day, and then you leave. Well, you’re defined by the action you’ve done at the very end, regardless of what you’ve said.”

• “Love is defined by what you give as opposed to what you receive. In relationships, you’re defined by the way you treat another person, by the way you sacrifice for another, by the way you give to another. And when that comes from both parties, the result is a very solid relationship.”

• “Love is defined by little things, medium things, and big things. It’s not everything the other party wants. Sometimes it’s everything the other person can give.”

• “One of the most important things you can teach your children is to have a happy marriage or to have a happy relationship.”

• “Without love, you have nothing!”

• “There are only two major emotions in life. You’ve got love and you’ve got fear. If you don’t have love to counterbalance that fear, you have nothing, because you have no balance in your life, and you’ll never, ever find satisfaction.”

• “Can you fall in love quickly? Absolutely. I met my wife, and the very next day I knew she was right for me. And I told her we would get married.”

• “I think you’ve got to be attracted at least in some way. It doesn’t have to be physical: it could be emotional, or mental, or spiritual. But there has to be some attraction, or it’s just not going to work.”

• “You can’t tell your partner everything. And I don’t know that you should want to know everything. Some things are meant just for you and God.”

• “You have to make time for each other. Even a little bit of time, on a regular basis. You have to go out and reconnect.”

• “The most important thing if you want a long and happy marriage is to choose well in the first place.”

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23 comments on “Interview with Nicholas Sparks: What I've Learned About Love


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I was married to the love of my life for 23 yrs. Until last winter, I went through empty nest sydrom, meaphause & Depression......I unloved my husband, for some reason....& drove him away from loving me. I went west to see my mother, instead of going on a cruise he asked me to go on at the last minute. While away, he looked up his HS Sweetheart on Classmates, she was seperated, & when I returned, he told me he didn't love me anymore. I begged to stay,got emotionally messed up & ended up returning to where I once lived out west! Boy was that dumb! Now they're having a wonderful afair, traveling, etc. I'm hurt & trying to move on.
- October 08, 2008 12:36 PM

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I think that you do know within a short amount of time-if your heart and mind is open and you're listening to the little voice in your head saying 'run' or 'no' or "I've just fallen in love'. So many of us don't do that and end up making horrible mistakes. I've learned that when I listen to my intuition it has never been wrong. I have made the wrong choice, but the little voice in my head/heart knew the truth. You may think this simplistic, but I believe it.
- October 05, 2008 07:34 AM

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All good points.....but thrown out like an armchair quarterback. Its just as easy and justifiable to sayit doesn't counterbalance, it creates the risk of imbalance. Life is like a tightrope, and love and its attendant vulnerability takes away the safety net. It isinfinately more exhilarating while traversing the rope, and upon arrival at the other side, to not have the net, to be sure,but.....when you fall....
- September 28, 2008 07:02 AM

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