How to Talk to your Mate about their Weight

Talking to someone about their weight is the last thing anyone wants to do, but when a person's health is at risk, it's necessary. Here's how to talk to your mate about their weight without crushing their self-esteem.

by eHarmony Staff

Talking about weight can be as taboo a subject as money and politics but when it comes to your relationship good communication is essential.

If you’re concerned about your mate’s weight, whether he or she is too heavy or too thin, the last thing you want to do is fracture your partner’s self confidence. If you’re ready to have the conversation, read on to learn how to talk to your mate about their weight.

Is it Necessary?

Are you broaching the topic of your partner’s weight because of the health risks related to obesity and to malnourishment? Because your sex life and physical attraction for the other person has waned? Or because of your own insecurities?

A woman who has recently given birth isn’t going to be back to her pre-pregnancy weight right away and a woman or man who is ten or 20-years-older than when you first met will probably have gained a few pounds with age and change in metabolism. Talking about weight with your partner is a very serious subject and can change your relationship forever, be sure of your reasons for having the conversation.

Choose the Right Location

Talking about weight is a very personal conversation. Don’t bring up this issue in a public place or at a gathering of friends, all that does is make the issue seem irrelevant or cause your partner to feel embarrassed. Choose a quiet night in with just the two of you to discuss the topic.

Offer to Seek help Together

Perhaps your partner just needs to hear that you are willing to start a structured fitness and nutrition plan together. This might give a confidence boost knowing they have someone who will be with them every step of the way.

Your mate might need to see a therapist or nutritionist, in this case, offer to help research the perfect match. In more extreme cases your partner may need to be hospitalized, which can be a scary thing to do alone. Ensure him or her that you will give your support throughout the process.

Don’t do all the Talking

When you talk to your partner about weight, be sure to also listen. This may be the first time your mate feels comfortable or has had the opportunity to truly discuss what can be an embarrassing or emotional issue. Turn off the television and your cell phone, make eye contact and give your undivided attention. Only by listening can you truly understand how your partner’s weight is affecting them. Acknowledge that it is hard to open up and thank your partner for sharing his or her feelings.

Suggest Solutions

If you’re willing to talk to your mate about their weight then most likely you are hoping for a change. Suggest options that you can both look into deeper together and walk away from your conversation with a plan of action. Ultimately, you can suggest all the possible solutions in the world but it is your mate who is going to have to make the change.

Read on for similar articles in eHarmony Advice's Stages of Love road map!

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