How to End Bad Relationship Patterns

Do your relationships keep following a similar path? Whether you’re single or have a new partner, identify the warning signals to prevent the same mistakes.

eHarmony Staff

Being single gives you valuable time to reflect on the past before committing yourself to someone new. But even if you’re in a relationship, you can use previous experiences as lessons for the present. If things keep turning sour, spotting the patterns can help you make positive steps for the future. Here are the four “key indicators” to look for as a new relationship commences:

1. How is the initial emotion handled?

The beginning of a new relationship can be very revealing. Think about the first few days, weeks and months when you moved from being single to part of a couple. Some relationships start with intense infatuation which can often become physical prematurely with confused implications about commitment. Others progress much more steadily and rationally. 

Look at your past relationships and establish whether there are similarities. There’s nothing wrong with strong attraction, but it’s how you handle this passion that can cause a relationship to develop in a healthy or unhealthy way.

2. How quickly do things develop?

Look back to the most significant moments of past relationships: the first kiss or first time a gesture of commitment was made. By pinpointing these moments you can establish whether a relationship has progressed at an even or hurried pace.

 If things are too rushed, it could suggest that one or both partners are overeager, insecure and impulsive. The most stable relationships develop steadily and gradually.

 3. Who do you tend to get involved with?

People are often drawn to partners with similar flaws. Compare you past partners and identify whether their character traits match up. Before you relinquish your single status, make your potential new partner is significantly different from your last.
 
4. Do your partners have similar backgrounds?
As well as their personality traits, consider their family backgrounds. Do they come from broken, volatile or chaotic homes? Look at what impact this has had on your relationship.

By examining your relationship past you can help ensure a happier future.