A Relationship Requires More Than Just Love

All you need is love, right? Well, not exactly. Love is a great start, but it's how we deal with life's ups and downs that really determines if a relationship is meant to be.

by eHarmony Staff

Without love, two people could not commit themselves to a relationship. They certainly could never find it worthwhile to become engaged or get married. Love is the catalyst for commitment. Love is what ensures that a relationship grows and improves. But sooner or later, every good relationship bumps into bad things. And that’s when honest people discover that love, no matter how good, is never enough to keep their relationship moving forward.

Let’s make this clear. When we decide that we are not simply casually dating someone, that there is a stronger bond of love, we form a commitment in the confidence that our relationship will not simply survive but thrive. Our confidence is built and bolstered by that love. But here’s the kicker: One cannot completely guard one’s love against the things that diminish it. What’s more, love in itself is seldom sturdy enough to support a couple when they inevitably run into bad things. Love, while being a good catalyst for a relationship, is not enough to sustain it.

Countless couples out there cling to the sentimental, romantic notion of love expressed in songs, movies, and novels. It is a notion that leads some of us into marriages that are doomed to failure and unhappiness. We believe that everything good in our relationship will get even better in time. But the truth is, not everything gets better. Many things improve in our lives once we find someone special to focus on, but some things become more difficult.

Every successful relationship, for example, requires necessary losses. For starters, forming a commitment with someone means coming to terms with new limits on one’s independence. It means giving up a carefree lifestyle. Even to people who have dreamed for years of finding someone to date who they can really connect with and love, people who think of themselves as hating to be alone, a relationship can come as an invasion of privacy and independence. Young people who are still new to the experience of having a relationship are often quite surprised at the sheer intensity of this invasion. And so, for many, they run into their first real challenge to love. But it will not be their last.

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