4 Reasons Women are Attracted to 'Bad Boys'
Why is it that many sensible and responsible women are attracted to 'bad boys?' What do otherwise conscientious and even conservative women see in rebels?
by eHarmony Staff
Why is it that many sensible and responsible women are attracted to “bad boys?” What do otherwise conscientious and even conservative women see in rebels and rabble-rousers?
First, understand that bad boys come in many variations and degrees. There are the seriously bad apples who have regular run-ins with the law, habitually use drugs, and get arrested for violent acts. Then there’s the milder variety—mischief-makers who enjoy breaking rules just because they’re there. These guys have unusually high testosterone, and they haven’t learned to channel all that aggression in a constructive way. So they drive too fast, engage in risky behaviors, and seek out danger. Other guys adopt a bad boy image because it gives them an identity, acceptance in their peer group, or attention from their parents and other adults.
There are typically four reasons good girls fall for guys like these:
1.
The impulse to perpetuate what’s familiar.
Many women attracted to rogues had a father who was a little wild and rebellious. Because many girls idealize their father, they may seek a partner with similar traits. This usually isn’t a conscious decision; much of the allure happens below the level of awareness. Girls may also choose these boys on the assumption that Dad will be impressed.
2.
The urge to redo the father-daughter relationship.
The motivation is an attempt to revise a troubled or distant relationship with their dad. Often, attraction is fueled by unmet childhood needs from the opposite-sex parent. So if a woman chooses someone reminiscent of her father, her motivation may be to remedy childhood hurts.
3.
The drive to rehabilitate or “save” a wayward man.
Simply put, many women are rescuers. It’s a challenge for them to reform an incorrigible man. These women think, Sure, he gets into trouble, but I can change him! Ego is involved as well. It’s inflating when a woman feels like she is the only one who can transform a man.
4.
The appetite for adventure.
Other women like the excitement, thrills, and sense of danger bad boys bring. This is especially true for those who have been “good girls” all their lives. Perhaps they grew up in a family that demanded conformity and compliance with rules. So they’re intrigued with men who scoff at rules and shrug off responsibility.
How do these relationships usually turn out? In a word, poorly. That’s because bad boys won’t change unless they want to—no matter how long-suffering their partner might be. Further, despite initial attraction, most women get tired of bailing a man out of jail, wondering if he’ll make it home from a party, or catching him with another woman. Women who sign on with bad boys enlist for endless conflict and turmoil. Ironically, the very thing that draws good girls and bad boys together is usually their undoing. Many women have learned the hard way that bad boys make bad dating partners--and even worse spouses.
How do you know if it is lust or real love? Read on!
156 comments on
“4 Reasons Women are Attracted to 'Bad Boys'”
. As a feminine women, a real "Alpha Male" is irresistible to women, because he is a LEADER, Supremely Confident, In Charge, has Passion, Drive, Strong demeanor, Strong Character, is Fearless, and has a Calm sense of being in Control of emotions, ACTS like a REAL Manly man.
"Manly man"? You mean, the Harlequin romance stereotype? Why can't men come in all different personality shapes instead of being expected to fit some cookie cutter of what is "manly"?
. Women feel SAFE, PROTECTED, with these rare men who are in "Authority" positions as Coaches, Teachers, Athletes, Boss's, Public Speakers, Civic Leaders, any leadership position of “Authority and expertise, Confident, Cool. These Alpha Males stand out for their leadership and DON'T SEEK female APPROVAL which is revolting , weak and NOT mate material for a women.
Disagree with the above. I was with a man for many years who exhibited many of the traits you have described as "Alpha male"; in truth, he was one of the most insecure men I'd ever met, he couldn't bear to be criticized and his "community leadership" was his way of getting his ego stroked constantly. He both craved women's attention and approval, while resenting them for his need of them. Most people, because they never got to know him well enough, didn't realize that he was motivated by insecurity rather than confidence.
In my less personal experience with other "leaders" and so-called alphas, I've found more who seem to be motivated by a strong desire for approval from others, rather than being able to go their own way regardless of what others might think of them. Many of them resorted to lies/manipulation to achieve their ends.
. Women don't just want a "Nice" overly pleasing and eager for approval spineless wussy guy, they want a MANLY man with Manly leadership traits that make us females feel protected and safe.
The implication that men who aren't "leaders" are also spineless and wussy is a bit much. Granted, the so-called alpha male tends to be exciting, charismatic - but also unreliable and unfaithful given that the defining characteristics of the "alpha male" includes his ability to attract women and take risks. It is the men who are less noticeable, the ones who get up every day, go to the same job year after year, who are faithful to the same woman year after year, who are home nurturing their family instead of their public who are the ones women can actually rely on.
. We women have been universally programmed through evolutionary biology for mate selection that is in our best interest and survival. We are revolted, repulsed by men with an absence of those above mentioned traits. Women DESIRE the Strong Alpha Male, drop the BAD boy, and keep the manly traits. There you have it!
According to some documentary I watched, while it's true that women will seek out this alpha male type at certain times of her cycle, when it comes time to actually raise a family, what she really wants is the guy who she can rely on through thick and thin - and that isn't the alpha male. It was also theorized that alpha male types aren't actually the best for society or humankind in general - they tend to engage in too much risk-taking behavior (including conflict) and again, not be around for the raising of any offspring. Since non-alpha types are more reliable and end up raising more children (even if it's from one woman, rather than several) they tend to pass on more of their genes than the alpha-type.
Now, I can't say for sure what is true and what is not in terms of who women are attracted to and why, but I think anyone who buys into the "alpha male" thing is just as misguided as those who think all women should look like models, and engage in porn-star sex every night.
- February 19, 2010 07:15 AM
Thank you, veronicaphilly, smartfox10, foxsmart10, tbesq, A-L, Scarlet13 and Gina5. I never understood this, previously.
Perhaps there is sometimes a failure of differential diagnosis ?
- February 19, 2010 03:56 AM
I was "saved" by a woman. Hey things happen and I returned the favor by taking care of her when she got real sick. There are good loyal humbe men out there who return the favor and stay around for the long haul.
In our cold icy sterile times, rich people don't understand that men often get into more trouble adjusting to Civilization than women.
Just as most homeless people are men, there also are more men than women who need a little help.
The man who is smart and has character, will not question what is going on. But will pray, perhaps for the first time, to thank the woman and whatever God he believes in.
Some bad boys might underneath the dust, be a good man at heart. That's finding a Diamond in the Rough. If he has the will to change, and stay loyal to her, this can be a solid relationship.
Forget what all the so called "dating experts" say. They will say anything to make their female readership happy. Even lies.
Always trust your gut. Is this just another bum who drinks all the time? Or is this a Diamond in the Rough, who just needs a little polishing?
3. [B]The drive to rehabilitate or “save” a wayward man[/B].
Simply put, many women are rescuers. It’s a challenge for them to reform an incorrigible man. These women think, Sure, he gets into trouble, but I can change him! Ego is involved as well. It’s inflating when a woman feels like she is the only one who can transform a man.
Read more: [URL]http://advice.eharmony.com/article/4-reasons-women-are-attracted-to-bad-boys.html#ixzz0fTkRR0Bi[/URL]
- February 13, 2010 07:58 PM
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